Keep trying.. hurting now but healing will come....

I feel like yesterday I probably wrote my blog in anger. I had a doctors appointment today. I guess we have been playing trial and error and error seems to have favored us. Having PCOS messes with your body A LOT! We have figured out that I need assistance in sustaining a pregnancy. We know what gets me pregnant now (Clomid-fertility drug) Now to keep it I need to start taking Prometrium (progesterone) as soon as we find out we are pregnant again, and continue through the first trimester. So... I know I said we wouldn't be using any fertility meds for a while. Well it hurts me more not to try working towards our goal. I am taking a fertility break in May.. still inducing my period since I don't get those on my own. Then in June induce period and take Clomid again. I hope that we will get pregnant in June/July.

We are still hurting but there is healing, and we'll be stronger people in the end.  But right now I still feel so broken. I can't wait for the day that I will finally be able to hold my baby in my arms! I hope this day comes sooner than later.

~Diana

Miscarriage #2

I don't understand it nor will I ever.  How can I be blessed with babies and shortly after they start growing they pass? I feel like I keep getting wonderful news and my dreams are coming true then baam! the rug is pulled out from under my feet and I'm left on the floor in pain! We were 6 weeks along this time! My baby was growing what happened??  

Needless to say I'm heartbroken over losing my two babies in less than 6 months.

We won't be using any fertility medicine in the near future. If I get a period normally and we get pregnant naturally Thank God! But until we are ready to move on and try again it will just be my wonderful husband, me, and our cat! I wish we could afford adoption some how. Maybe in the future....

Life is cruel sometimes... I wonder if its my body that can't handle the pregnancies or if the babies aren't developing correctly. I just wish we had a chance...


~ Diana .......

~*Baby Names!!!!!*~

I know I just announced our wonderful news yesterday but I thought I'd share the names we have picked out. (I'm secretly hoping for a girl and twins!!)

Boy names- 1st Boy-Dakota Gregory (Kota), 2nd Boy- Barry Alder(haven't figured out his nickname)
Girl names- 1st Girl- September Lynn (Berlynn), 2nd Girl- Kaleena Maria (Kali) 

So I am concerned about spotting. I've been spotting since last tuesday (April 12), brownish and dark red prunish color.  In TOTAL it has filled one pad at most. I Know spotting is normal and as long as its not bright red (fresh blood) then everything should be okay. I just worry because of our previous miscarriage. So I called my dr office and explained to one of the nurses my concern and she set up a lab visit for me tomorrow to check my hcg levels just to ease my worry.  Hopefully it is progressing well.

I also have my first ob and limited (not sure what that means) ultrasound appointment on May 5th. My regular physician is a Nurse Practitioner so she cant handle my prenatal care. May 5th will be my last appointment with her on prenatal care. That saddens me, she is an awesome person and is so excited for us and our dreams that are coming true. I'm nervous to have a new physician that doesn't know my history like she does. 

But I can't wait to hear my hcg levels again and to see my little blob!!!! Keep me and my miracle in your prayers!! Thank you ladies!!


Happy Blogging,
Diana Maria 

PREGO!!

Yes the title of this blog is correct! We ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  About 5 weeks along now.  On Thursday April 14th I had some blood work done and got the results yesterday that my hcG levels were around 135.  Then had more blood work done yesterday and got the results today. My levels are over 300!!!!!!  Its so exciting everything seems better this time around! My pregnancy back in December the levels never got above 10 before we miscarried. Please keep me and my miracle in your prayers for a safe and healthy pregnancy. I have no morning sickness (yet!) Just tired, heavy abdomen feeling, sore bb's, and cravings for some hot wings!! 

This journey has been tough and I know its only just beginning another part of the journey. I am very ecstatic and hope everything will remain well. 

Keep us in your thoughts!!

Baby dust to those that are still trying!

Happy Blogging,

Diana Maria & Miracle baby!

So...

So I don't know how many people are actually following my infertility blog... most of the time I just write to get my thoughts and feelings out.  We attempted Clomid once again.  It has been almost 2 weeks since my last day of Clomid.  I detected ovulation with an OPK and hope the magic has happened.  Today I was actually nauseated from the smell of the pizza I was cooking.  I recall back in December when we were pregnant that I had a huge sensitivity to smells and that was really early in that pregnancy. So I told my hubby about that one.  Hopefully we are pregnant.  I'm trying not to get too excited about it though.  My mind tends to make me believe that I'm pregnant when in fact I'm not. Wish I could multiply as  much as others.. HAHA.


So... My best friend who lives in Arkansas is almost 5 weeks pregnant! I'm so happy for her but something sad is that she felt she couldn't tell me :(  I found out through Facebook!  It saddens me that my pain of my own infertility strikes her in almost the same way.  She didn't want me to feel pain in her joy.  That is sweet but I would have loved to hear it directly from her to me not from a post to everyone on facebook.  We talked about it today and everything is better.  I am very happy for her.  She has suffered more than a few miscarriages before finally delivering her beautiful daughter a little more than a year ago. It is a beautiful thing that she is able to have another.  I pray everything goes well in her pregnancy.  She is an amazing mother.  I am very proud I did not feel any jealousy when I found out.  She is my best friend, maybe that is why?  

I really hope that we are pregnant again.  I have been doing great in remembering to take my metformin and vitamins! I don't want to lose another baby so I'm doing everything possible just in case we are pregnant. Send some more baby dust my way!!




Thought I'd Share some pictures of the beautiful scenery in my area!  These are of Seattle, Fox Island, Olympics and Cascade mountain ranges.

Happy Blogging to you all!!!

Giving Clomid another try!

So since we don't have time to head up to Seattle Reproductive in the next month my regular physician has opted to try Clomid again! I'm excited!  I really hope it works for us since my body has had a break from the medication for a few months. I just started day one of ten days on Progesterone on March 1st. After I start my Period I will be able to begin Clomid at 50mg for 5 days. Clomid worked for us the first month I used it at 50mg but I think because I wasn't sure if I should continue Metformin in pregnancy I lost my baby because I wasn't taking it. I am doing everything right this time around!

Please please pray that this can work for us!  We are getting close to 4 years of trying with only one failed success (miscarriage).  I know we are still young but I want this more than anything in the world.  I want to feel complete!  I want my family to be whole!

On a happy note~! My 22nd birthday is in 4 days! (March 6) This past year FLEW by!  I can't believe I'll be 22! Some days I feel so much older than 21-22!! 

I sincerely hope this is the year for myself and all my infertile bloggers!  We deserve to have our miracles!  We want it so bad that we know we will make the best parents for any child because we've longed to have them for a while!

Passing some baby dust to you!  Be sure to return some to me!

Happy Blogging!!!

Diana Maria ♥♥♥

Follow up & Referral to Seattle Reproductive

So I had my follow up from my ultrasound today.  The woman had me worried for nothing.  Some things changed from my last ultrasound but nothing to have a huge concern for. My left ovary has decreased from 5mm to 4mm.  Doctor wants it back to 2mm though.  So no Clomid.  Hopefully I will get my period on my own. Also I had a cyst rupture so there is free fluid in or around my right ovary which is what has been causing me tremendous pain.  Maybe the ovary decreased in size  because the cyst ruptured?  Anyways serious amount of pain lately. :(  Also seems like there isn't much else my physician can do for us regarding infertility. So we have been referred to Seattle Reproductive. I'm not excited about it because I don't know what to expect from the appointments, and a new doctor makes me uncomfortable. Also when am I going to find the time for both my husband and I to be at the appointments together? I have the time but he has school. Just a new added stress that I'm completely not excited for! I just hope we will get our baby soon!