Another update

So I had my levels checked again on Tuesday morning. Last week after my trip to the ER my hcg levels were at about 1650. As of yesterday they are at 250. That means no surgery! :) That is a relief. We still have to wait about 6 months before we can try to get pregnant again. In the mean time I am sticking with my work out. I was actually able to bring our treadmill back into the house. We had a piano that belongs to my husbands grandmother and after her stroke she is unable to play any longer and the piano was just collecting dust and taking up space. So... I've been trying to get rid of it for a few months, and Finally decided to put it up on craigslist. Two mins after posting it I got quite a few replies, to the point where about 10 mins later I had to take the posting down while I discussed details with the first 2 people that replied. I few hours later the first replier loaded it into his truck and we had space in our living room again. That is where my treadmill landed after being cleaned up. Feels nice to be active again. My goal is to lose about 50lbs in these next 6 months. I would like to fit into my favorite clothes and to feel comfortable in my own body. And it will actually help our baby making progress. :)  Lets hope I can stick to it and actually drop these pounds off quickly. I hate how this PCOS has ruined my old body, I honestly don't know how I managed to gain all this weight. I've never been a big eater or snacker. We shall see! Hopefully just the treadmill will help. 

Happy Blogging!

Diana Maria

Update

I haven't blogged in the last week because not much going on here. Dealing with a lot of pain from the ectopic pregnancy. My dr says its normal as long as I'm not bleeding heavy. I had more blood work done last Monday after my trip to the Er. My levels had gone down a bit. I go to my dr  again on Monday to check my levels yet again. That will continue until my levels are at Zero. So my ER trip was last weekend and with all the needles they were bound to blow out one of my veins huh? Well the did on my left hand. I look like someone one beat me, but only my left hand. We shouldn't try for another 6 months. I believe at the point when it is safe to try again we will be sent to Seattle Reproductive Medicine to make sure there isn't any further concerns as to why I can conceive but am not able to have a normal pregnancy thus far. We know what will get me pregnant so that is a wonderful thing. Now just to keep myself pregnant. Maybe I need to lose some weight and that will help?  I just really don't know what to do to lose weight considering I am stuck in the house most of the day because I care for my husbands grandmother. We have a treadmill but there is no room in the house so it is stuck out in the shed. I need to figure out something to do that will actually give me results. We tried P90X it just wasn't a program I was interested in. I miss being active. I would love to be thin again! I feel this weight is holding be back from being myself and the person I want to be. 

Well enough about my rant about the tire around my waist. Its early in the morning and I need to get up in the morning to get a Sunday paper for my coupon obsession, which I have now addicted my Sister in law and Mother in law. I also have to pick up papers for them. 


How is everyone else doing?

Happy Blogging
~Diana Maria

How I feel right now.

This is EXACTLY how I feel right now. I feel music brings my feelings into words.

Wynonna: I Will Be 

 

Been caught in a downpour of a rain of stones
Felt like an exile in the world I had known
So I sought the shelter of my own soul
And stayed inside

I found no comfort in placing blame
I saw the hope that lay just beyond the pain
The past is a prison and I won't wear those chains
And I won't hide, oh no

I will be here
I will be strong
I'll face my fears
When the night is long
And still go on
I will be brave
I will be bold
Follow my faith
To a higher road
And I'm not there yet
But I will be

I could choose to keep my feet upon the beaten path
Never cross the open field for the one snake in the grass
But I'd rather risk my heart then never get the chance
To find my way, to find my way

I will be here
I will be strong
I'll face my fears
When the night is long
And still go on
I will be brave
I will be bold
Follow my faith
To a higher road
And I'm not there yet
But I will be

News was good then devastation came

So.. my news was that we never lost the baby when I thought I had miscarried. My hCG levels were over 2000. Last blood test I had before that was only in the 300s.  I bleed for 3 weeks so we assumed miscarriage and never did more blood work. I had severe pain one day (none since) and still had pregnancy symptoms so I took a hpt and it showed positive right away. Thats when I got blood work done and levels showed over 2000. We scheduled an ultrasound to get everything checked out make sure the baby was developing and in the right place.  

Well.... Baby was there. But not in the right place. It had attached to my left ovary. I have an ectopic pregnancy.  The Dr at diagnostic imaging northwest that went over my u/s results called and reserved a room at the Emergency room for us and notified us we needed to go right away there was no time to wait as this is a life threatening pregnancy. 

We get to the emergency room I get blood drawn from one of the biggest needles I've ever had in me. Then of course that can't use that same spot for an IV so takes forever and a day to find a spot in my arm where they insist it must go. I explain you can't even see veins in my arm and they roll when you feel them. Luckily I found a way to actually find one by bending my wrist exposing the only vein that could even be attempted.  It went in with yet another large needle. Then I get poked and prodded. Asked a million questions that I had already answered twice before. We are left alone for a bit.. then the nurse comes back in and says the Dr wants a second IV line "in case" of surgery and a second medication has to go in. My question is wouldn't it be easier to wait until we find out if we are going that far until you attempt to stick me again?  Of course I didn't ask I just went with it. So attempt 1 in my hand where I prefer being stuck with needles.  It wouldn't go into my vein just around it. So end up getting in on the only other vein viewable on my arm which was on the inside of my forearm. Joy I can't move either arm comfortably due to IVs, I have a cardiac monitor on, and and oxygen thing on my finger, not to mention all the cords and lines that go with all those things. 

Treatment for ectopic pregnancy: Methotrexate shot.  One shot in each hip. Apparently this will stop the cell growth of baby over 4-6 weeks and will then absorb back into the body. If this fails, surgery. Ectopic pregnancy is very dangerous as it can rupture fallopian tubes or/and ovaries.

I truly feel like I lost this baby twice! Once when I thought I miscarried. And now I am losing baby again feeling so helpless as what my options were. Really I had no options.  I just wish something else could have been done to save the baby I wanted her/him so much! 

I am heartbroken but I have to stay strong as difficult as it is. 

We both feel as though we do so much for everyone else, those people still crap on us, and now life continues to crap on us as well. What did we do to deserve so much devastation in our lives? We are good people and would make amazing parents. I just don't understand it at all.

~Heartbroken

Has some good news..

I might have some good news.. well I've had some good news but to confirm the good news I'll wait until Friday to let you all know.  Life is definitely a roller coaster! Hopefully our coaster cart is going to stay heading up and not speed crashing down!

:)

Some good news would be nice wouldn't it?

Happy Blogging!!

~Diana