I Would Die For That

 

(You may need to pause the music at the bottom of the page)

Not sure how many of you have actually seen this video.  I posted a link in a previous blog, but now that I know how to work this blog I posted the video.

This song is Kelly Coffey's I Would Die For That  she has given infertility a voice in the music industry.  I tear up every time I watch this.

PCOS.. Infertility...

 

First 4 Pictures are my husband and I.

PCOS Awareness

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)

Have you hugged an infertile today?

Did you know:

10% of all women have PCOS

PCOS is the #1 cause of infertility (Isn't that the truth!)

About 50% of women with PCOS get insulin resistance (which can cause impaired glucose tolerance or Type 2 diabetes) (I have this unfortunately)

Women with PCOS have a higher risk of miscarriage if they do get pregnant (We just had a miscarriage)

Women with PCOS have a 4 to 7 times greater risk of having a heart attack than normal people

Women with PCOS have a greater risk of high blood pressure (I have high blood pressure)

Women with PCOS run the risk of endometrial cancer (very scary thought)


Those are just a few of the many many saddening facts of PCOS.

Remember that the more we talk openly about PCOS and other infertility issues, the less taboo they are and hopefully will eventually be looked at as the serious medical issues they really are.

Never give up Hope and spread the word.

I just want my baby back!

So I don't show my hurt on the outside, but I'm dying on the inside.  I was barely a mother and my baby just started growing inside me.  Why was it taken away? I just can't understand.  It took almost 4 years to get as far as conceiving. We were so excited only to end in heartbreak.  I am heartbroken about losing a child I loved it so much already! Will the hurt ever heal? I want my baby back!  If we conceive again will I live in fear of losing the next baby?  Will I conceive again? Why is life so cruel sometimes!  Still need time to heal.....

~Diana Maria

So.. I'm Sick

I'm sick.. really?  I'm sick right now? I just finished my latest round of Clomid.  Can not be sick.  Its not as easy. 

Anyways my hubby is wonderful..  He went out this morning and bought me 2 kinds of cough drops, nasal spray, ibuprofen, dayquil and nyquil pills (because I HATE the liquid). Oh and he bought me Chocolate Covered Cherries!  So thoughtful!  Just hope I can get over this cold fast, before I cant take medicine any longer.  

Oh my do my ears and throat hurt so so much! 

~Diana

Love Blogging

I have to admit I love blogging.  Already blogging what I've blogged I feel a bit of a release.  This has been a difficult subject for me for a while.   Infertility is real.  It is especially hard when everyone around you seems to either have kids or are having one.  

There is one video that I love.  There are not very many known songs out there about infertility but Kelly Coffey has given infertility a voice...I would die for that is the title of the song.  Check it out. I bet you'll tear up too.


Happy Blogging~~

~Diana


**Had to edit this blog.. Posted the wrong link for the video.**

Continuation.....

So to continue on our story....

I started to see my current physician in July 2010.  I have to say my doctor is amazing! Ever heard of a doctor calling on a Sunday?  She has been going through this roller coaster of emotions  almost as much as we have!  

So in July we started the array of tests.  Blood work and ultra sounds.  I then started Metformin for the PCOS (helps regulate the insulin around Polycystic Ovaries).  I also started Progesterone (magic pill Prometrium) this makes me have a menstrual cycle. Those of which are almost completely absent with out being induced.  Now some woman would die to not have to deal with time of the months... I use to hope for them! I went almost a year without one!  Also tracked ovulation with OPK, I Ovulated. No luck. So.... that was our first month unsuccessful. I felt like a failure.  Disappointment sucks!

August... Same thing as July Progesterone and OPK. Failed again!  Disappointment Sucks!

September.... Same as July and August. Fail.... Disappointment Sucks big time!

October... Took progesterone I did not get a period....  Baffled... so was my doctor!  Had an ultrasound to check for anything wrong.. Everything was normal.. Month failed! Disappointment Sucks

So my lining was fine in October so in November I got Clomid (a fertility drug) without needing a period.  Took this wonderful pill for 5 days at 50mg.  Waited 5 more days to ovulate.. Ovulated..  
  Went in for blood work on December 6th....  My hCG levels were 1.89  any blood test I had before was always zero.  This was exciting for us.  Had more blood work done on December 9th to check levels again.  Found out on December 12th my hCG levels were 8.4!! Doctor confirmed pregnancy! Our first pregnancy in 3 1/2 years! We were so excited! I cried!


We were so excited we told some family and friends the great news.   


Later that evening.... I started spotting.  Spotting turned into more.  I was miscarrying.  I had finally got my Christmas miracle to have it snatched away from me! How cruel! I cried and I cried hard!  There were even a few times I had to go into the bathroom and cry!  I still want to cry!  On December 13th I went in for more blood work.. My blood work had dropped. Our fears were confirmed.  I lost my baby.  I still wonder if its something I caused.. but I think every woman who has miscarried has that fear.  However at least we know now that we can get pregnant.


Now that was just a week ago....  I just finished a double dose of Clomid last night.  Hoping this time when we get pregnant it will stick.  I don't think I can go through another heartbreak.. my heart is far from healed. 

I will update again soon.


Happy Blogging!!


~Diana

About Me

My name is Diana.  I am 21 years old.  Married to the most wonderful man, his name is Eric.  I am a mix of German and Hispanic, although my complexion is completely pale (couldn't get a hint of tan from any of those genes!!) I live in the wonderfully wet state of Washington.  Although Mt Rainier is gorgeous I love being able to see that beautiful mountain every day the clouds aren't covering it!! 

So this blog is pretty much about our infertility struggle so lets get to the gist of it..  My husband and I married July 16 2007,  after only 4 1/2 months together.  Fast I know but we were young and in love!  He is truly my one and only love!  He is an amazing, caring, and wonderful man!  We have now been married 3 1/2 years!  During these 3 1/2 years we have struggled to start our family.  I was diagnosed with a condition called Polycystic Ovarian syndrome aka PCOS.  When you are a kid you don't think hey its going to be extremely difficult to have a baby in my future.  No you play with Barbie and Ken and along comes Kelly. As simple as that right?  NO!!  Infertility is not something widely discussed until now.  In recent years more woman have been able to talk about it.  Until now it has been such a hush hush topic.  Struggling to have babies, not feeling woman enough because you can't give your husband a baby. Its all difficult.  I am lucky enough to have a husband who helps me when I am down.  Of course sometimes you just need to have a good cry.  Bottling things up is a terrible idea.  

So that is some of our past history.  For now I'll leave it at that and I'll add more later on today.  

Leave some comments,  ask questions!

Happy Blogging!!

Diana

Blogging....

So it seems everyone is blogging about something now a days..  thought maybe I'd start one and see how I like it.  I'm sure there are no people interested in my life and what I have to say, however maybe it will help me to talk about things I am going through.  This will probably be mostly about my infertility struggle. But I'll try not to bore everyone too much with that. It is a real struggle and until recently has not been something people talk about.  Sometimes a woman just needs to get her thoughts out there.  All feedback is extremely welcome.  Hope to make some new friends that can also help me by informing me of their struggles.  Now saying all that!  I repeat I am not a professional writer of any sorts.  My posts may make sense, they may not.  I may babble on about the same thing over and over. And there will probably be misspellings.  THIS IS MY BLOG!  Comments are welcome, suggestions will be taken as well. 

Hopefully this blog will be a good thing for me!  I guess it can't hurt...

Happy Blogging!!!