Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Follow up & Referral to Seattle Reproductive

So I had my follow up from my ultrasound today.  The woman had me worried for nothing.  Some things changed from my last ultrasound but nothing to have a huge concern for. My left ovary has decreased from 5mm to 4mm.  Doctor wants it back to 2mm though.  So no Clomid.  Hopefully I will get my period on my own. Also I had a cyst rupture so there is free fluid in or around my right ovary which is what has been causing me tremendous pain.  Maybe the ovary decreased in size  because the cyst ruptured?  Anyways serious amount of pain lately. :(  Also seems like there isn't much else my physician can do for us regarding infertility. So we have been referred to Seattle Reproductive. I'm not excited about it because I don't know what to expect from the appointments, and a new doctor makes me uncomfortable. Also when am I going to find the time for both my husband and I to be at the appointments together? I have the time but he has school. Just a new added stress that I'm completely not excited for! I just hope we will get our baby soon!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Worried!

Just got back from my ultrasound for my Ovaries.  It was different than any of the others I've had in the last few months. This time while she was doing the ultrasound she asked me all kinds of questions. While asking these questions she had an odd expression looking at the screen (I can't see the screen so I dont know what she is looking at).  She asked... Have you been pregnant before? Yes we were pregnant in December but miscarried at about 2 or 3 weeks. Did you have a D&C? No dr said it was too early in pregnancy to need one.  Have you been having any spotting or bleeding recently. No I havent.  You physician is a Nurse Practitioner right? Yes

I have never been asked any questions like this in any of the 6 or 7 ultrasounds I've had in the past few months.  Also after the ultrasound was done they go and talk to the radiologist to see if the images they got are all okay.  Every other time I have been it takes 2 to 3 mins.  This time it too 10+ mins before she came back!

I'm kinda worried.. I'll find out results about it on Tuesday.

Glory Baby by Watermark

Watermark/ Glory Baby
 
Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you… 

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do 

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would… 

BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

Wish me luck!

At 3:30pm I have my ultrasound appointment.  Wish I was going in to see a baby.. but I'll keep having to wish. This appointment is to check in on my right ovary size. Last month we had to take a break from fertility medicine because it was enlarged and my doctor was too concerned about any problems.  Hopefully it is back to normal so I can get back on Clomid.  It worked for us once hopefully it will work again and stick this time. I'll have my follow up appointment on Tuesday to find out what the next step is.  My doctor will try one more round of Clomid with us. If this round fails we are being referred to Seattle Reproductive Clinic.  Its a scary thought that it is so bad we are being referred to a clinic only for Infertility. :(  I hope this is our month.  I've been pretty diligent about taking my metformin to help control the amount of insulin around my ovaries.  Keeping my fingers crossed!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

STILL

STILL

I've been waiting for you
For such a long time
You're always on my mind

And I'm lying awake
Most of the night
Waiting to hold you tight

Now that I do
And look at you
My heart is breaking
This can't be true

Lost you before I found you
Gone before you came
But I love you just the same
Missed you before I met you
On earth we never can
But in heaven we'll meet again

Close to my soul
Close to my heart
Right from the start

Lost in time, lost in space
Can't wait to see your face

Now that I do
And look at you
My heart is breaking
I know it's true

Lost you before I found you
Gone before you came
But I love you just the same
Missed you before I met you
On earth we never can
But in heaven we'll meet again

Sometimes I find myself wondering what to do
With this pain that I'm going through
But I know one day, God will take me away
And I'm coming home to you

And when I do
And look at you
My heart is healing
I know it's true

Lost you before I found you
Gone before you came
But I love you just the same
Missed you before I met you
On earth we never can
But in heaven we'll meet again

In heaven we'll meet again

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Grab the Kleenex

I know I'm posting a lot today.. but get over it! Haha Sometimes a gal needs to blog I dont know who wrote this:

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked “What makes a Mother?”
And I know I heard Him say.
“A Mother has a baby”
This we know is true
“But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby’s not with you?”
“Yes, you can,” He replied
With confidence in His voice
“I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there’s no need to stay.”
“I just don’t understand this God
I want my baby to be here.”
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.
“I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child’s smile,
With all the other children and say…
‘We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come strait here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow’s where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don’t be sad today,
I’m your baby and I’m here.’
“So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they’ll stay.
They’ll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson’s through.
And on the day that you come home
they’ll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother,
It’s the feeling in your heart
it’s the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
Though some on earth may not realize,
you are a Mother.
Until their time is done.
They’ll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!”



"Slipped Away"

Song by Avril Lavigne

"Slipped Away"

Na na, na na na, na na

I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away

Was the day I found it won't be the same
Oh

Na na na na na na na


I didn't get around to kiss you

Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't

Oh

I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away

Was the day I found it won't be the same
Oh

I had my wake up

Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by

Now you are gone, now you are gone

There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere you're not coming back

The day you slipped away

Was the day I found it won't be the same no..
The day you slipped away
Was the day that I found it won't be the same oh...

Na na, na na na, na na

I miss you


I Wonder

I wonder who you were?
I wonder what your personality would have been like?
I wonder if you would have looked like me?
I wonder alot of things...like why? and when?
But there are some things I don't wonder...because I know.
Like how much I already loved you. I don't doubt God, not at all.
I just wonder how it would of felt to hold you in my arms...but it's okay because now I know your in the arms of Someone who loved you even more.
Life is so short, yours had just begun, not out of the womb yet but you were already a "someone".
I know God is my strength right now because without Him I just couldn't go on. But now I'll take life...NEW life, at the time of conception-not for granted!
It's all a true miracle that only God decides.
Thank you God for creating a little miracle inside of me and even though its time was very short...it was still my little miracle nonetheless.
*(For you my little miracle, I will see you one day...)*