So to continue on our story....
I started to see my current physician in July 2010. I have to say my doctor is amazing! Ever heard of a doctor calling on a Sunday? She has been going through this roller coaster of emotions almost as much as we have!
So in July we started the array of tests. Blood work and ultra sounds. I then started Metformin for the PCOS (helps regulate the insulin around Polycystic Ovaries). I also started Progesterone (magic pill Prometrium) this makes me have a menstrual cycle. Those of which are almost completely absent with out being induced. Now some woman would die to not have to deal with time of the months... I use to hope for them! I went almost a year without one! Also tracked ovulation with OPK, I Ovulated. No luck. So.... that was our first month unsuccessful. I felt like a failure. Disappointment sucks!
August... Same thing as July Progesterone and OPK. Failed again! Disappointment Sucks!
September.... Same as July and August. Fail.... Disappointment Sucks big time!
October... Took progesterone I did not get a period.... Baffled... so was my doctor! Had an ultrasound to check for anything wrong.. Everything was normal.. Month failed! Disappointment Sucks
So my lining was fine in October so in November I got Clomid (a fertility drug) without needing a period. Took this wonderful pill for 5 days at 50mg. Waited 5 more days to ovulate.. Ovulated..
Went in for blood work on December 6th.... My hCG levels were 1.89 any blood test I had before was always zero. This was exciting for us. Had more blood work done on December 9th to check levels again. Found out on December 12th my hCG levels were 8.4!! Doctor confirmed pregnancy! Our first pregnancy in 3 1/2 years! We were so excited! I cried!
We were so excited we told some family and friends the great news.
Later that evening.... I started spotting. Spotting turned into more. I was miscarrying. I had finally got my Christmas miracle to have it snatched away from me! How cruel! I cried and I cried hard! There were even a few times I had to go into the bathroom and cry! I still want to cry! On December 13th I went in for more blood work.. My blood work had dropped. Our fears were confirmed. I lost my baby. I still wonder if its something I caused.. but I think every woman who has miscarried has that fear. However at least we know now that we can get pregnant.
Now that was just a week ago.... I just finished a double dose of Clomid last night. Hoping this time when we get pregnant it will stick. I don't think I can go through another heartbreak.. my heart is far from healed.
I will update again soon.
Happy Blogging!!
~Diana
Definitely not something you caused! These things just happen, especially if you're unlucky enough to be dealing with hormones that don't cooperate (like in PCOS). Please don't blame yourself for this. You can drive yourself nuts trying to find a meaning in the madness of it, but sometimes you just have to let go of that control impulse. There's not always a cause and effect, even to something as meaningful to you as this, and there's nobody to blame for it -- especially not you. You know you'd have done anything to make it work, but it was beyond your control.
ReplyDeleteWhen it works out, your baby will be lucky to have a mom who looks after her so carefully from even before conception.